HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
