PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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