You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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