Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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