So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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