And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We just shotgunned beers for America
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
