Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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