i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Someone shit on the floor
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wish there were birth control emojis
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
