The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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