You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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