I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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