I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
