i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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