I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
