dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
