Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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