Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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