there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
