Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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