she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
