Screwed.edu
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
