Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
