I need help removing her.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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