I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
