your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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