this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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