I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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