just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
