the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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