I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
