I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
