Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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