wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
