This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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