Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
