I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
