I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
