I cannot find my penis.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
