Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
