be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet