so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.