Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
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Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity