dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.