all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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