I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
