I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
