people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
