I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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