You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
