You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
