i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
