the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
