my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
