Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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