Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
