I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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