I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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