He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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