Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize