k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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