the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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