How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
