There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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