someone threw a dead crab at me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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