awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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