Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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