we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
